I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize