so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
