Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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