Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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