I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
