Hey man sorry I got all grabby
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
