omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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