Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
