Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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