Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
