She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
