So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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