dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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