I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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