so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
