idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She said her name was "party"
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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