Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
