Clothes are such an inconvenience.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
