Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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