How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
do herpes really smell.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You're a waste of cheezeits
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Randomize
