honey bunches of taint.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
