ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
