that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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