Its about making memories worth repressing
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
