Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
