it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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