Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
