cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
