I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
