I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
