Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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