i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
