you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
