i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
