May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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