Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
