I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
"it" just moved
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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