He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
