Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She needs sedatives and a leash
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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