She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
