I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
