Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize