Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize