Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
