let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
sex in a hospital.. check
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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