I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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