How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
