You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
