I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
