I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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