Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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