you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
