I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
