WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
