I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
