So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
