Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Life is so much better after having sex.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
