i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize