Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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