I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
