thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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