are you so shy because you have an std?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
