Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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