Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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