saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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