Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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