ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
