I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
