I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
