Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize