is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
