wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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