Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
