a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
