btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
