His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
