There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
