party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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