And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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