but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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