Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
