An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
