He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
