well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
