Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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