Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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