please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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