i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize