God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
