Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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