So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize