Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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