You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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