booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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