I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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