She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Brb crying the tears of my youth
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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