Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize