So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
