his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize