Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
