my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
