Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
