It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
