i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
