saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
