U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
